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Patrice Wilson
Patrice Wilson
Information
Species Human (Most likely not)
Gender Male
Allies Rebecca Black
Nicole Westbrook
Alison Gold
Status Alive
Alignment Bad
Goals To fill the world with shitty music, and get close to as many children as possible.
Patrice Wilson is a full grown black pedophile, who acts as one of the primary antagonists in the h3h3 universe. He's also a master alchemist, demonstrated by his many potions in ABCDEFG. He is also a master of disguise.

Appearances

ABCDEFG

Patrice is seen as a Mr. Roger's-like figure watching over his neighbourhood in a creepy smile with lip gloss on, when suddenly he gets upset and intrigued by Alison Gold's singing. He then smiles creepily like a Smiling Titan and waves at her from the window. Seeing that Alison Gold's androgynous crush isn't interested with her, he knocks on the door to get Alison's attention. Once Alison opens the door, she sees a van aptly named "Wilson's Wagon" which comes with a welcome mat that weirdly states "Get On." He then accompanies her on her journey to a club named DO-RE-MI-FA-SO-LA-TI-DO. Along the way, Patrice deploys an Asian Cupid with cheap fairy wings to target the crush with a love arrow. However, the crush crouches in the last second, causing the arrow to hit the back windshield of a car and triggering it's alarm. The cupid then runs away to avoid the police. Following these events, Patrice notices that Alison is enjoying some punch. His thoughts immediately jump to making the punch spicy and then proceeds to spike her drink with some of what he thinks is Love Potion, but in fact is Puppet Potion. But all wrongs are fixed, as he then mixes Human Potion into the punch. But all weird shit doesn't stop there, because Patrice then mixes Chinese Food Potion into the drink and shit hits the fan. (Cannibalism)

This is the most powerful we've ever seen Patrice, taking the form of a giant and not trying to even remotely hide his pedo-powers.

Chinese Food

Alison Gold - Chinese Food
The video starts with a random Cantonese man (some say he is the Asian Cupid in ABCDEFG) with cerebral palsy cooking what seem to be noodles. Then the noodles start to glitter in different colors and the video cuts off to Alison Gold, vandalizing public property and going clubbing despite being 11 years old. After a brief period of scouting the area, she finds and enters a Chinese restaurant. Alison orders several dishes from an Asian kid no less than the same age as her and after describing them she is handed a fortune cookie by the Asian man. Cracking open the baked delicacy, Alison finds a piece of paper with the words: "YOU WILL FIND A NEW FRIEND". She then turns around to discover a man in a panda suit stalking her from another table. They quickly befriend each other and eventually the panda man takes off his mask, revealing that he was Patrice all along. Patrice is shown fingering sweet and sour sauce, thought to be an allegory to not only the human condition, but also the virginity of young children. After a long day of "partying", Patrice flies out of Alison's house once again as a panda, breaking her roof in the process. All of this is accompanied by random unrelated subtitles that make no sense when translated.

Friday

Rebecca Black - Friday
The most popular garbage spewed out by Patrice, "Friday" stars Rebecca Black, who's life would soon be ruined. In the song, she sings about a normal Friday, as she recalls the days of the week and patiently waits for the weekend. The song is pure poison to the ears, and involves Rebecca waking up, eating breakfast, and choosing a seat in her friend's car. In the middle of this shit-storm comes Patrice, who desperately tries to rap, only making the video worse.

It's Thanksgiving

The video, which emerged in November 2012 long after the fallout of Friday has gone, starts with Nicole Westbrook waking up in causal attire with a shirt that says "Dance Until Dawn." She clearly states she is wide awake and thanks everyone. She then cooks food on her own without adult supervision. The first verse then states the different holidays of the month: Christmas (December), New Year (January), Easter (April), and 4th July. At this part, only Patrice Wilson's voice is heard but it was still unknown who sang it. Westbrook begins decorating her house and then the holidays of the month come back but Patrice suddenly pops out of nowhere to sing this rap with children. Later, Nicole comes back from school. Her friends start arriving bringing food-to-share (which is obviously the free lunch promised by Wilson in his music video packages that costs for $2000-$4000) for the Thanksgiving Dinner. A suspicious looking car then arrives and the adult knocks on the door. When Nicole opens the door, it was revealed to be Patrice Wilson dressed up in a Turkey costume. Patrice happily frolics in the house of full of children. As they begin to pray, Nicole suddenly raps a verse which shocks two of her friends. Patrice was shown to be eating the food a even the children did not eat the food. Nicole then takes a Turkey leg as a microphone. The last part is the children and Wilson take a group picture in the dinner table, which Westbrook places in her makeup mirror.

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